MY SUSTENANCE.
One time when I was at Seaworld with my friend, I won a bag of candy. One of these was in it and I was so happy. I was planning to save it for last, so my friend and I walked into one of the aquariums. It was full of fish and creatures native to the San Diego area, so we knew them all. This guy saunters up to us while we’re pointing out fish, and straightens his snapback.
“Oh, that’s a parrot fish.” We corrected him, it was a puffer fish. “No, that’s a parrot fish for sure.” He smacked his gum and put on sunglasses. (We were inside) We pointed to the sign above the tank that said “puffer fish”. He laughed and said Seaworld made a mistake and that he should work there instead. While he was rambling, we managed to sneak away to the leopard sharks. Not even a minute later, we hear behind us “SHIT, LOOK AT THOSE TIGER SHARKS.” (Also, there were little kids around.) Without warning, he reaches into my bag of candy and plucks out my gummy shark. “Like this one!”
And then he ate it.
He fucking ate my gummy shark.
THIS DOUCHEBAG. WHO COULDN’T TELL A PARROT FISH FROM A PUFFER FISH. He is not fucking WORTHY to eat ANYONE’S gummy sharks.
Long story short, whenever I see a picture of these, I get filled with a sense of rage, and I mutter “they were leopard sharks” under my breath.
(Source: andrewbreitel, via neverbreaker)
this is a true story
so you know guy fieri right
this dude on food network
WELL, I HAVE A STORY.
my aunt lived in the same apartment complex with him, same hallway even, when they were younger.
he was like three or something and she was maybe ten?
but anyway
he pooped in the middle of the hallway
literally pulled his pants down and just took a shit right there
and my aunt saw it and ran to tell his mom or her mom or something
but guy saw her running to tell, and so went into my aunt’s apartment since she left the door open and got her dog to come out in the hallway
and by the time my aunt had a parent up there, her dog was sitting in the hallway next to the shit, and guy blamed it on the dog
and they believed him
so to this day
whenever i see a picture of him
i say out loud “i don’t watch his show, he shits on floors and blames it on puppies”
