wrathmorphic:

MY SUSTENANCE.


One time when I was at Seaworld with my friend, I won a bag of candy. One of these was in it and I was so happy. I was planning to save it for last, so my friend and I walked into one of the aquariums. It was full of fish and creatures native to the San Diego area, so we knew them all. This guy saunters up to us while we’re pointing out fish, and straightens his snapback. 
"Oh, that’s a parrot fish." We corrected him, it was a puffer fish. "No, that’s a parrot fish for sure." He smacked his gum and put on sunglasses. (We were inside) We pointed to the sign above the tank that said "puffer fish". He laughed and said Seaworld made a mistake and that he should work there instead. While he was rambling, we managed to sneak away to the leopard sharks. Not even a minute later, we hear behind us "SHIT, LOOK AT THOSE TIGER SHARKS." (Also, there were little kids around.) Without warning, he reaches into my bag of candy and plucks out my gummy shark. "Like this one!"
And then he ate it.
He fucking ate my gummy shark.
THIS DOUCHEBAG. WHO COULDN’T TELL A PARROT FISH FROM A PUFFER FISH. He is not fucking WORTHY to eat ANYONE’S gummy sharks.
Long story short, whenever I see a picture of these, I get filled with a sense of rage, and I mutter “they were leopard sharks” under my breath.

wrathmorphic:

MY SUSTENANCE.

One time when I was at Seaworld with my friend, I won a bag of candy. One of these was in it and I was so happy. I was planning to save it for last, so my friend and I walked into one of the aquariums. It was full of fish and creatures native to the San Diego area, so we knew them all. This guy saunters up to us while we’re pointing out fish, and straightens his snapback.

"Oh, that’s a parrot fish." We corrected him, it was a puffer fish. "No, that’s a parrot fish for sure." He smacked his gum and put on sunglasses. (We were inside) We pointed to the sign above the tank that said "puffer fish". He laughed and said Seaworld made a mistake and that he should work there instead. While he was rambling, we managed to sneak away to the leopard sharks. Not even a minute later, we hear behind us "SHIT, LOOK AT THOSE TIGER SHARKS." (Also, there were little kids around.) Without warning, he reaches into my bag of candy and plucks out my gummy shark. "Like this one!"

And then he ate it.

He fucking ate my gummy shark.

THIS DOUCHEBAG. WHO COULDN’T TELL A PARROT FISH FROM A PUFFER FISH. He is not fucking WORTHY to eat ANYONE’S gummy sharks.

Long story short, whenever I see a picture of these, I get filled with a sense of rage, and I mutter “they were leopard sharks” under my breath.

(Source: andrewbreitel, via neverbreaker)

129,418 notes
posted 1 year ago (© andrewbreitel)

this is a true story 

so you know guy fieri right

this dude on food network

WELL, I HAVE A STORY.

my aunt lived in the same apartment complex with him, same hallway even, when they were younger.

he was like three or something and she was maybe ten?

but anyway

he pooped in the middle of the hallway

literally pulled his pants down and just took a shit right there

and my aunt saw it and ran to tell his mom or her mom or something

but guy saw her running to tell, and so went into my aunt’s apartment since she left the door open and got her dog to come out in the hallway

and by the time my aunt had a parent up there, her dog was sitting in the hallway next to the shit, and guy blamed it on the dog

and they believed him

so to this day

whenever i see a picture of him

i say out loud “i don’t watch his show, he shits on floors and blames it on puppies”

7,514 notes
posted 2 years ago

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